Memories

One of the most treasured of God's gifts: memories ...

the memory of a happy moment,

the memory of a heart rending episode,

memories of time well-spent,

or with friends at a lovely abode;

times and events recollected, replayed, relived,

people and faces remembered, recalled, revived;

"A day is never over if it makes a memory ..."

as someone once put it, in words well-remembered;

whatever that's put into memory, none can erase:

for whatever that's in the mind, forever stays ...

The little things in life

A puff of white cloud that sails by,
or gray, heavy rain clouds hovering nearby;
a dew drop on a blade of grass,
or a little rose bud waiting to bloom;
a patch of yellow buttercups amidst the dust,
or a little toadstool amongst the grass;
a sea of love grass making waves in the wind,
or a tattered scarecrow standing guard in a paddy field;
a little caterpillar on a juicy half-eaten leaf,
or a pretty fluttering butterfly flitting past;
these are the little, little things in life -
to make the world go round, be there, they must ...
and these are the little, little things in life -
that makes my world so colourful and so bright!

So, i'll tell this to you, my friend:
if you wish to see me -
you'll know where to find me (you must!)
for i'll be just where i like to be:
standing there, watching the birds and the bees,
or having a picnic under the shady trees...
i will be there to rouse the sun,
and then be there on the beach -
to await each sunrise, each dawn...
and if it rains:
i'll be by the window,
looking out at the rain;
or knitting on the swing -
if i have a little white patio..

You'll know where to find me,
my dear, dear friend...

Memories of childhood ...

I remember days of old,
the days of long ago ...
I remember the little loving things that we do,
and all the little secrets shared, too ...
as we grew, from seven little girls, such sights to woo,
everything we had, we shared, its true ...
I remember the tense whisperings, in the day
with school fees and school books to pay;
and dad would sit alone, deep in thought,
late into the nights, i was told;
I remember mum's anxious looks
whenever i coughed, sneezed or wheezed ...
worse, when one of us was detected -
with a defect to her heart ...
more whisperings were heard in the nights,
and mum walked into the bedroom
with her empty rice pot in one hand, dazed ...!
I remember all the happy times, too
when we would dress the younger ones up -
to dance and bring the smiles on grandpa's wrinkled face ...
I remember the baking of little sand cookies,
decorated with lovely little colourful flowers ...
and how the walk to visit the other gramps were put off -
as we came racing home, driven by fear of copters droning overhead!
I remember the same family walks, escorted by mum and dad, to gramps' -
with the owl hooting, perched on a fence, later on moonlit or dark nights ...
I remember, too, threading the squirmy worms to our line
as we followed mum and dad to fish in the monsoon-filled drains ...
taking off our shirts to stand under the plunging waterfall from the roof when it rains,
or crawling on the sandy bed of the crystal clear longkang after the rains ...
I remember the newly-weds, Mr Peter Pereira and his Chinese bride from Seremban,
and the fearful, wife-beating, pots-flying inspector neighboour and his black-eyed wife;
I remember the 'band and bandits' games we played with the neighbour's boys,
and sword clashing fights with the leaf-stems from the papaya plant!
I also recall chicken rearing and granny's kerepek ubi-making days:
and how teacher's eggs got smashed, but the kerepek packets sold like hot cakes!
I remember how we fought off hawks from the little chicks, together with the mother hen,
and found hissing, slithering monitor lizards and snake skins in the chicken barn,
and on sleepy afternoons, watching little ducklings waddling happily in a basin of water,

or taking a tumble with the little ones: feet dangling from dad's home-made swing!

most oft leisurely hours are spent saddled snugly on a branch of the old guava tree:

a fresh guava in one hand, a Beano, Dandy, Enid Blyton or Women's Weekly in the other!

and whenever the circus comes to town, the elephants got to taste them, too:

whole plastic bags of red guavas and white guavas, all ripened - not just a few!
I remember mum sewing beautiful embroideries on baju kebayas for sale -
that we helped to flatten to perfection, knocking away with little hammers ...

and the identical dresses she sewed for all of us, but one, each new year:

(the youngest was always dressed in shorts, you see),

so when friends came to the house and asked, "How many sons have thee?"

dad would smile and say,"See for thyself, my friend, see!"

Later i remember getting red dresses while others got rose pink, sky blue or apple green:

"To keep your sickly spirits strong, and chase away evil spirits," was mum's reply!
Then i remember school days, and our hair flying in the wind -
as jeans-clad young 'Ajeh' (Aziz) raced others home in our trishaw!
and weekends when mum would let us choose our favourite kuihs
from the basket the makcik carried, or the ones from the huge tray she had on her head ...
and in the afternoons she would come with colourful mengkuang mats, skillfully woven,
to trade for used clothing for her children, or old sarongs and bajus for herself ...

I remember dad's bachelor-day very 'western' recipe:

hot rice with butter, a pinch of salt, an egg and lots of pepper!

and how he taught us to fry our favourite fish with asam jawa:

"Sqeeze it with some water, then throw away the juice and fry the fish with the seeds ..."

and when mum wondered why the asam fish was looking so pale,

there were sheepish smiles and giggles: even little baby sis in her hospital crib grinned!
I'll always remember our favourite childhood meals:
rice, with fried tenggiri or kembung, and black kicap -
and on days when i recall those moments,
I'll be tucking into a plateful of rice, with fried tenggiri or kembung, and black kicap ...

If only i could ...

I'ld rather be the Pacific Ocean than the Dead Sea -

the farther i can go, the more i'll see;

I'ld rather be the little fish that swims free -

if i can't be the roaring river or the sighing stream;

Or the humming brook, if the soaring seagull i too can't be -

i'll even settle for the rolling pebble that laughs so free:

Rather than be rooted to the ground, like a big oak tree,

or be trampled underfoot, like a weed or reed or an unwanted wild breed ...

I'ld rather be a pretty butterfly, to flitter and flutter from flower to flower

than to be a busy buzzing bumble bee, to be buzzing busily by, feared for my sting!

Sorrowful tales ...

Sadness is having to witness a divorce

when i should be attending a wedding,

Sadness is having to draft the terms for separation

when they should have been well wishes for finding a mate;

Sadness is having to bear witness to accusations of infidelity

having to just stand there helplessly, feeling the pain

And seeing tears flowing freely from both parties,

tears of sorrow, tears of hurt, tears for having to say "That's it! Let's part!"

when it should have been "Let's start a happy new life together ..."

And when one leaves with nothing but bad memories and a suitcase

while the other's frail back trembles with wretched sobs in my farewell hug -

was the saddest sadness in a long, long time ...

Never Lose Sight of Your Dream

Never lose sight of your dream
for life is nothing without a dream;
never think you can go on living with no dream
for life would be an empty existence without dreams
So never, never lose sight of that special dream -
no matter what happens, or what others have to say
always keep a special corner of your heart
for that secret dream -
a place where you can rejoice, when times are good,
a place to find comfort and solace, when times are bad ...
Your own little plot where peace and happiness reigns free,
your own little abode, your heaven on earth ...

'Let it be ...'

If you wish to see me:

you'll know where i'll be,

if you don't wish to be seen:

you'll know where you mustn't be ...

I'll be where i used to be,

see things i used to see;

whatever happens - let it be

stay away from you - if needs be ...

"What is seen will pass, but what is unseen is eternal"

If i give you a rose -

it will fade with time,

lifeless and dry ...

If i give you my word -

it will be a seal throughout time,

Forever it will apply ...

If i give you a day of joy -

it will be a memory to fade with time,

like a river, it will run dry ...

But if i give you my love -

it will be the greatest test against time,

just give it a try ...

Reflections of Life

I'ld like to sit back and ponder

over the events of the day:

the ups and downs,

the merry-go-rounds;

I'ld like to look back and smile

at the sweet moments in the day:

the silly things that I had done,

the funny things heard,

witty exchanges made,

memorable jokes cracked;

I'ld like to have some time each day

to recall and to recollect,

what I must remember not to forget:

the must-dos and the should-dos,

the need-not-dos and the better-dos -

the little everyday things that make up

a life-long episode for me,

to recall and to recollect

always ...

Sad moments will pass

Just tell me this:

that sad moments will pass,

and i'll willingly believe;

For sad moments will surely pass,

and joyful moments will replace;

Just tell me this:

that all good friends will one day leave,

and i'll really grieve, but believe;

For we each have our lives to lead,

foes and friends alike: they'll leave;

Just tell me this:

that the sun does shine, after a spout of rainfall,

and i'll surely believe;

For God gives time for one to pick himself up -

before dealing the next blow!

The facts of life

Saying the right things,
at the right time,
makes all the difference between a virtue and a crime;
And saying the right things,
in the right way,
gives an assurance
that things'll turn out the right way!
Saying the right things to the right people
may mean being blessed
with everlasting friends;
And saying the right things
on meeting a friend
will ensure he's not embarassed
and you are not harassed.
Thus have i learnt
through many bitter moments
how important it is
to say just the right things ...

Hurt

Sometimes i feel sad - really, truly, sad

for no reason - and that's bad

oft times i feel bad - wholly, unforgivably, bad

for one reason - i'd been a cad ...

Sometimes i make friends feel glad

for one reason - i put on an act

oft times i make them sad

for saying things that are bad - it's a fact

Many a time have i my friends' feelings hurt

by the thoughtless things that i'd blurt

oft times have i wished that i hadn't said what i had,

but i had - and can't take them back ...

Many a time have i realised friends are hurt

but never known i'ld myself be so hurt

many a time, without my knowledge i'd others' feeling hurt

but none is to know either, how i myself am hurt ...

Others may see the knives i twist in their hearts,

but none will know the knives they'd thrust into my heart

others may see that i have flaws and i hurt

but none will notice that their eyes are also not free from dirt ...

Many a time have i reached out to ease a pain, a hurt,

but never can i reach to ease my own pains, my own hurts

many a time have i wanted a friend's comfort,

but each time, i had to, in my own solace, find comfort ...

Many a time have i tried to do without the friend, the hurt,

but each time i am to myself not firm, not curt;

many a time have i hoped for a sign, a word,

but each time he's so casual, so curt, that it hurts ...

Many a time have i wanted my pride to drown, my feelings to blurt,

but each time i'ld feel, in his eyes, i'll be like dirt, or a flirt ...?

Savouring every moment in time

If i were to be asked

what life means to be 56 -

i'll have a lot to say,

and to say them with a smile ...

It's not so much of what's achieved

in five-and-a-half decades plus one,

but more of what's yet to be done

before i could call it a day - DONE!

It's the thought of things put off

the things not done, and those half-done,

those incomplete, and those yet to be completed

that drives me on:

A day longer, a week more -

a month, a year ... more ...?

it's the fear of not having enough time

to do all the things i wish to do

that hastens me on ...

Thus, i'll not put off anything any longer

but to savour every minute of every day

to do the things that i wish to do

to live out my hopes and my dreams

Just in case God says:

Your days are numbered ... Hurry on!

or, Your time has come: move on ...

and i am not allowed to say:

"B..but my heart must go on ..."

A dream of the dream

A DREAM:

I saw an island in my dream -

a place i'd once been,

and met a friend, all smiles, i deem -

to whom i left a part of me, it seems ...

THE DREAM:

I saw the same island in my dream -

and places i'd once been:

a lonely beach ... a lifeless park ... empty seats ...

and the hollow echo of my lonely feet ...

THE END OF A DREAM:

I once thought i had a friend,

but then realised that dreams do end:

to me, he might still have been a friend,

but to him, i had long since reached the end ...

Thoughts - when one is past 50

When one is a child,

one can't wait to grow up;

when one is growing up,

one can't wait to be a grown up;

when one is a grown up,

one can't wait to finish one's work, quickly -

But when one is past 50,

one has to learn

to take things easy,

one has to learn

to just slow down a little ...

one has to find time

to savour every minute, of every day ...

to enjoy all the things

that one wishes to enjoy,

to achieve whatever

one's been working so hard for,

to just sit back

and enjoy the birds and the bees,

the flowers and the trees,

the hills and the seas ...

To just sit back in one's garden, and sip one's tea,

at dusk or at dawn,

in the sunlight,

moonlight, or starlight;

watching the sunrise, or sunset - or moonlit night,

feeling at peace with the world:

For whatever will be, will somehow be -

it's pointless to fume and fret, or to worry!

Just do whatever's necessary -

and let what needs to be, be!

'Touch the colours of the wind'

Life has its many blessings

that come in many forms:

Did you wake up early in the morning -

just to see the soft colours of the dawn?

Did you feel the warmth of the sun -

as you walk down the street today?

Did you look out of the window -

to see the beauty of a streak of lightning?

And when it rains, do you stretch out your hand

to taste the juice of heaven,

or take a walk in your bright yellow boots -

to feel the wetness in the air and hear the crunch of your own footsteps?

Did you applaude the chirping singers -

as you take a stroll in the park?

When you see a child cry, aren't you tempted -

to kiss away her tears, and hold her hand?

On a windy day, do you stand on a hill -

and let your skirts swirl, pants flap, scarfs and hats fly off, somewhere?

When on the beach, are you tempted

to send a message in a bottle, to be read by someone, somewhere?

Did you admire the splendour -

of the evening sunset?

And when night falls, do you count the stars around the moon -

or spend you time just drinking in the pub?

Count Your Blessings

Count your blessings in life

that's what i've been doing: counting my blessings,
for i feel so glad that God deem it fit
to shower all His blessings on me, especially so lately...

So, i'll always remember to count my blessings,
and to appreciate all that i have:
love, beauty, friends, and a comfortable life,
and i would never want anything more in life -
than what You have given to me, the best gift in the world:
happiness at being loved immensely, and loving so intensely,

And i only hope that you would grant me this last wish:
to be able to spend the last quarter of my life
with him that i love most, dear God -
and i would never ask for, nor want, anything more...

Pebble talk

Life is like the passage of a brook

that makes its lonely way to the sea

friends are like the boulders and pebbles

that one meets on one's way:

some do follow us all the way,

while others are there to stay ...

Which one will you be, to me:

a boulder, a pebble, or ... neither be?

a fern, a reed, or a buzzing bee,

or some blossom, or moss, you'll perhaps turn out to be?

Some basic truths - and questions of the truth

What is life - if it's not for living?
what is love - if not for giving?
what is friendship - if not all sacrificing?
what is kinship - if not for helping?
What's in an apology - that makes it acceptble?
what's in a joke - that makes it laughable?
what's in a relationship - that makes it durable?
what's in a woman - that makes her desirable?
Why crack a joke - if not coz it's for sharing?
why prolong a friendship - if it's not coz it's touching?
why show love - if not coz of caring?
why do anything - if not coz of wanting to?
Why all the whispering - if it's not a secret?
why give false flattery - if it's not sincere?
why turn to marriage - if you're not serious?
why go on lying - if you've got nothing to hide?
Which would you choose - if given the choice?
which would you sacrifice - if given no choice?
which would you consider wise - if not told otherwise?
which would you rather have - if it's your sight, hearing, or voice?
Where would you have headed - if you're lost?
where would you have gone - if feeling forlorn?
where would you have been - if not in your dreams?
where would you have found love - if not with the one you love?

Life's swirling lessons

Life is a continuous lesson

for what is learnt today

will someday be learnt all over again,

And all the joy and laughter

will all be remembered

as well as the sorrow and the pain ...

So, learn to swirl with the tide,

and unfurl each leave

as you turn life's pages,

Learn to change the things that you can

and adapt to those that you can't,

Learn also to take the disappointments in your stride

as well as the triumphs of all that you have achieved;

Learn to rein in your thoughts and sharpen your minds -

as you train yourself to speak up against unfairness;

Learn to fight for your rights,

and conquer your fears,

Learn to uphold justice,

and to abhor cruelty and injustice:

Be the man of your dreams -

and nothing less!

The Storms of Life

I've seen the sunny side of life

Been through the windy days

I've seen better days of triumph

Been through the dregs and slums

I've rejoiced in the blessings in life

And braved the disappointments too

I'll just take life a day at a time

Knowing whatever must come,

must surely come

And whatever that's elusive,

is never meant to be mine..

Life's Lesson In Love

"The most lovely flower

if it were always with us

would sicken the senses -

It is because it dies

that we love it..."

Wise words from someone unknown

a wise move from someone untold

found it on the cover of a pencil case -

"That's the surest way to wisen up a young mind,"

that wise someone must have thought!

Life's but a Song

Life is but a song
each eventful episode
makes up the lyrics
to the song of life ...