I've made you seem like a monster:
a heartless, irritable, inconsiderate prig -
and i'm sorry...(not 'coz you're none of these,
but more so 'coz i've been looking for missing links
which were never there - and never will be there)
i've been looking for love of a different kind:
where romance is in the air...
i've been looking for you to show signs of your love
which you would not do - 'coz it's just not your style...
i've been fishing for sweet nothings and mushy tales -
which you find silly - i'm sure...
and i've been looking for what has never been there -
and blaming you for not seeing to it that it's there...
i'm sorry i asked for more - much more than you could give...
For i've been brought up
to value the little things in life:
little touches of humanity, little shows of love...
i've been brought up to treasure another's efforts
and to give praise where it's due...
i've been giving presents to make someone happy-
'coz that has always been done for me...
i've grown up among sisters who share -
and can't take any selfish hoarding or robbing,
we always give and we always share...
'coz things were never not that way...
But you grew up in a different environment;
life wasn't easy, with ten in the family...
you had less to share, less to give -
so it stays in the mind: "charity begins at home"!
and you find romance a waste of time:
'coz you don't read or write Shakespeare...
so i shouldn't be blaming you -
for not being able to tell
whether i smell like a rose -
or never smelled like one;
'coz you stayed in the town centre
and grew up in a shop -
with no garden, no roses;
not eating guava, freshly plucked,
sitting on a branch, in the tree:
a story book in one hand,
a juicy guava in the other...!
So i don't blame you -
for not knowing what all men should know:
that all a lady needs is -
just a little tender loving care...
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Finally, the scales of your eyes have dropped as you place someone more important than yourself. You saw the beautiful side and understood where he/she came from and knowing his/her background and upbringing. Though the word said was uncalled for, as it was only a moment of emotional feelings expressing the disappointment in your heart, you were just waiting for the tender and loving care. For a lady to say “I am sorry” twice, I salute for your humbleness and courage because love conquers all.
ReplyDeleteThank you - for your kindness and understanding : it is your wise words that taught me to rise above all the bickering and grouses, and to see the light behind the mountain that threatens to obscure my sight and my 'better judgement'.
ReplyDeleteThank you - for it is your wisdom, too, that had taught me not to judge others by my own scale, but to see it from his end of the line... so i'll just stop blaming others for what they lack - and appreciate them for what they possess instead...
Thank you - for lifting that scale from my eyes - that i may see the beauty of others in a clearer light... not prejudiced, neither through a biased eyehole - narrow and highly emotional, neither cool nor just...
Thank you.
Thank you, too, for making me believe in God - at a time when i've grown to have a sadistic and satiacal concept of life...
ReplyDeleteThank you for the words that had changed my outlook of life and brought the joy back into living...
Thank you for bringing tender feelings back into a heart that had steeled itself and does not even cry at a funeral... (but now i cry when little angels are sad, and i cry for the lonely singer behind a lonely sad song...)
And lastly, thank you for believing in me - and have the confidence that i could still find that old me that had slowly died as the years wear on, and after being heart broken many, many times...
I've found me:
after losing myself
a long, long time ago...
i've found that there could still be
joy in life - a life that i'd given up on...
i've given up my true self
for a superficial life of not caring anymore
whether it hurts... or cuts... or wounds...
for i've been hurt and wounded,
and let down so many times
that it just doesn't matter anymore...
to have an extra hurt,
and one more cut,
or one more wound ...
Thank you for making me believe again:
that there is joy in the world for me, still...
I had even stopped being a thinker -
ReplyDeletewhat more a dreamer...
i had even stopped to laugh -
from the eyes... and from the heart...
and had found it a whole lot easier -
to fake a social laugh, among strangers;
I had stopped feeling what i used to feel -
i don't even cry at a funeral,
though my heart bleeds for their loss;
i had stopped watering
that green, green patch of grass in my garden -
with my tears that had stopped flowing:
and aftereach disappointment,
each hurt, each blow -
i hurt less... and less...
'coz i had learnt to add the armour
and thicken the steel
so what you saw was the 'me'
that i had finally become...
So, dear friend,
thank you for the words you say
that had helped 'me'
to find back the real me -
the old me who cry when little angels cry'
the old me who cry for the lonely singer
behind the sad, sad song...
So, dear friend, "if i should die,
think only this of me":
that it was you
who said the words
that brought 'me' back to being me again;
it was you who had brought back the joy
into my life
and taught me to laugh when i'm happy,
and cry when i'm sad...
So, my dear friend, thank you -
for helping me find myself...
thank you